September 2010
1 post
You asked me why I try so hard.
Why I pause deliberately before I speak, and annunciate every word so well.
You said it seemed like I was playing a part, and I am.
I wanted to be close to you. I wanted to reach out and touch you and for you to unfold.
But I know better.
I know what happens when you cling to something.
So I built this person. This person full of holes through which...
August 2010
7 posts
Holy Shit
I have now begun my descent into the airspace of The Actual Religious. Come next week I will be living with and working for Episcopalians through the Micah Project. Micah is part of the Episcopal Service Corps, and places interns (me) with area churches or non-profits (the Trinity Boston Foundation, in my case). We also live together, about 15 of us, in two houses in Brookline and Allston.
I...
This is for everyone who has ever called me fat. This is for the times you asked me if maybe wanted an apple instead. This is for the time you made me work out in 90 degree weather when I had a cold. This is for the time you told me I needed to go to the gym, and for when you told me I looked “fatter after eating”. This is for America, and for my family, and for my ex, and for my future daughter,...
Badly Drawn
I’m cleaning out my room at home, which I haven’t really done before (to the extent that some of my favorite children’s books are still on my shelves).
So far, I’ve found
- 14 newspaper and magazine articles dated September 12th, 2001. -4 Dan Brown books, 6 Michael Crichton, 4 Steven King, 3 Tom Clancy, a book of poetry by Keats and one by Yeats (next to each other!), a...
July 2010
4 posts
Boston
I’m moving to Boston in three weeks, an hour from where I grew up. Observations.
1. The ratio of both cheap weed and Harvard students is higher in Boston than DC. Sounds good to me.
2. One of the first times I can remember taking the train into Boston was when I was in 6th grade. We went to the Children’s Museum and my friend’s dad bought me a purple keychain. Everyone was...
(2012) Saving The Human Race: Why Bother?
I get a real hard-on for disaster films. I remember recording the made-for-TV movie “Aftershock: Earthquake In New York City” on VHS and renting Twister about a thousand times as a child. Maybe it’s because I was in a very large earthquake when I was 6, or maybe it’s because I’m a sick, sick person who loves tragedy.
Either way; I have seen every bad disaster movie...
Another Post About Liz Lemon
It is one of the greatest treats in the world to me to be home alone for a night. In high school I fucking loved it when my parents went out on friday nights because I could watch Sabrina The Teenage Witch on TGIF and eat some sort of crap and write stories without someone coming in and judging me.
I haven’t had my own room since I left home, so being left alone for an evening is still...
June 2010
5 posts
I MIGHT BE A BOOK REVIEW CONTINUED/ CHILDHOOD...
so in the spirit of examining my purpose in life, I feel the need to talk (type) some more. I promise I will not blog again for several days.
I feel like I tell this story often without actually understanding what it means: Up until I turned about ten, whenever people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said “mermaid”.
I think this ultimately stemmed from the fact...
This Is Not A Movie Review But It Might Be A Book...
Every year since I moved to DC, I have taken the train for about 8 hours to and from Providence, Rhode Island whenever I needed to go home. The train is actually really lovely, especially at night, and it has unique and beautiful views of the Eastern seaboard. But I am not advertising Amtrak in this post, mainly because they charge 4.50 $ for a microwaved hot dog.
Every time we pass through...
The Movie Date Night Is Serious Guys
Worcester; the city that never sleeps because it is literally impossible to sleep when people are outside of your window screaming “get the fuck out of my car you thieving whore” for an hour at 4 am.
My elderly father suggested we see the movie Date Night at the cheap-o theater in West Boylston (surprisingly, there is no East Boylston, or even plain old Boylston, unsurprisingly West...
Julie & Julia & George Lopez & Whoever
The past few days have been a vicarious collection of Really Just Fucking Awful movies. Last night was Valentine’s Day staring George Lopez oh and I guess Julia Roberts and Anne Hathaway and Justin Bieber and Julia Child and a couple other people too. I can’t even talk about how bad a movie V-Day was because I will literally have a mental breakdown similar to the one my roommate Pam...
Man Vs Wild
Here is the difference between men and women:
A man’s heart:
A Woman’s heart:
I don’t believe there has been such a thing as a man who has loved a woman so much that he thought his heart would explode. I think every woman loves this way. If you are a man and you are reading this and you want to dispute me, I issue you a challenge: tell me your story. If you are a woman...
May 2010
5 posts
LIKE A GODDAMN DISNEY PRINCE
In a semi- recent episode of 30 Rock, Liz Lemon goes through one of her fairly reoccurring crises of the men kind. She joins a singles sports club and simultaneously receives advice about knowing what she wants in a man, resulting in a great sequence in which she is about to hit a foreign man with a dodgeball and stops to give him the following monologue:
...
What I've Learned
This post is a document of what I’ve learned about myself since becoming an unemployed college graduate.
1. I am fundamentally lazy and not built for the heat.
2. I enjoy drinking watered-down milk over ice and have decided this will be my beverage of choice in the home. This is also what my sister gives her 18 month old son in his sippy cup. Parallels between unemployment and babydom...
I'm LOST, Are You LOST?
If there is such a thing as a Lost spoiler, it might be in this post. I don’t think there can be a “spoiler” for Lost because there are no real answers and anything I say about it is a guestimation rather than observation of fact:
I don’t care about plotlines or any of that shit, there were two things I liked about Lost that were featured prominently in tonight’s...
True Adulthood
If you’re supposed to be an adult at 18, or 21, or sexually at 16 (or 13, AlASKA), but nothing changes when those birthdays come, are you still an adult?
If its not an age, are you an adult when you pay your first credit card bill, or when you get your first car? I felt grown up when I went to the grocery store by myself for the first time and bought my own food with my own money, but I...
March 2010
2 posts
Esquire: What It's Like To Be Hip
When I was in high school, my favorite band was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Followed closely by The Strokes, Iron Maiden, and Arcade Fire. I had friends, some of whom are still quite close to me, but I didn’t really fit in. I cared about politics and justice issues, and I didn’t do my hair. If that sounds familiar, you might be in danger of becoming a hipster.
“Norms” or...
two more
I can make your bed rock
Dave 1 my number 1
February 2010
10 posts
FITZSIMMONS
Ok hold on. first of all, I found this man via a site called thesixtyone.com which is a music site (not porn) and you need to check it out. He had a cover of Kanye West’s Heartless which is ACTUALLY gorgeous
Secondly, he has a Hebrew tattoo of the word “kindness”, and we both own the same shirt as seen above. What does this mean.
Uh Oh
Ok, David Guetta. I will
how European of you
One For The Boys pt 2
now the rest (breast)
ello kim gordon. I don’t find her that attractive, but maybe you do? In a MILF way?
I do like Ke$ha’s leopard print garter belt thing though
and Beyonce’s TUSH
this could be Liz Phair, but its Marnie Stern.
One For The Boys pt 1
Here’s some brunette musicians : my role models, if you will.
lady ga before she went blonde (insane)
Uffie, nice crotch. Also before she went blonde (hotter?)
I fucking hate Zooey Deschanel’s music.
Hold On
How did I forget Brandon Boyd?
What?
the link to this photo is literally bon-iver/cat. This is what’s waiting for me in heaven.
Will You Be My Valentine
Shh, Don't Cry
You Da Fuckin Best
Childhood Crushes (Part II)
Needs no introduction. This is how Stella got her groove back, and mine too . Speaking of luscious black men:
Every girl on earth loved this movie. Hoop earrings, bandanas, sean patrick thomas… the only other things a 90s girl needs to be hooked are some lisa frank notebooks, a tamogotchi and a velour scrunchie.
This scene made me forever want to wear floral dresses and date someone...
January 2010
3 posts
WAIT
I have to interupt all blogging to post this
Jon Hamm you are next on my list .
Like its 1999 (part 1)
Seeing as I can’t stop posting pictures of men, let’s take a walk down memory lane and look at some of my childhood crushes. Don’t worry, you won’t see Larry Linderman from the 5th grade on here; sticking to silver screen heartthrobs.
Clearly everyone’s first true love was Leo
This was literally the only good picture of him I could find from this era (the...
New Kids On The Block
Here’s some up and comers I don’t mind looking at.
Hello Channing Tatum (also known as Chan Crawford, from his male stripping days- true story). I was ambivilent towards this horrible actor until I a) saw the Dear John trailor, in which he cries, and we all know how I feel about crying men, and b) saw a video of his stripping days in which he gyrates to Boyz II Men.
That dude...
December 2009
3 posts
Christmas Manifesto
My Generation, our generation, is defined by laziness, selfishness, and greed. Our leisure activities are becoming more stagnant, our business more sterile and profit-driven. Our food is tasteless and hurried, saturated in both fat and corruption. Our relationships deteriorate into meaningless sexual encounters and our marriages crumble at an alarming rate. Our education becomes more and more...
America The Beautiful
Being home for the holidays is like being trapped in a meat locker with my laptop. Of course I love my family and friends in Mass, but without a license or car and in this arctic- circle- degree weather, it seems all I can do is stream Netflix downloads on my computer. Which is how I came upon America The Beautiful: an interesting little documentary on body image and the media in the U.S.
First,...
November 2009
2 posts
Oh No
There comes a time in every girl’s life when they have to ask themselves; Does this imagine kind of turn me on?
Sure, this man is covered in bloody flog marks, and wearing a crown of thorns. Sure, this man is The Son of God. You know what? He still looks great. Looked better in the Count of Monte Cristo, but still great here.
Homoween
Every year we gather together on October 31st, as a nation, to dress up as slutty nurses, horribly racist renditions of native americans, slutty eskimos, slutty vampires, and the backup dancers from the single ladies video. We go around to strangers asking for candy, something we’d been taught not to do since before we could speak, or, if we’re older, we go to haunted houses or, even...
October 2009
9 posts
Maybe Everyone At AU DOES Have Social Problems?...
a) Passed a sobbing girl on campus carrying a Stephen Hawking novel and what appeared to be about 60 Subway napkins… Hope You’re Gonna Be Ok.
b) I’m convinced the library is actually some sort of futuristic medical lab. Every single time I enter the library, it is approximately one hundred and five degrees and everyone appears to have been injected with some sort of virus. Some...
Where The Wild Things Are
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been three days since my last blog post. You know things have hit the fan when people at bars offer you shots to make out with your roommates. Or when you’re walking home with one of said roomies and she points to a house and screams “THAT’S WHERE I BABYSIT” in between bites of beef jerky.
But back it up, back it in, let me...
Paranormal Activity
Roomie and I ended up on 18th street last night; and then it ended up being just the two of us, on a Wednesday night, pretending that it was OK to stay out because we needed to ‘catch up’. We live together. Why would we need to catch up? We both know that what we were really doing was scouting for men. Here’s a play-by-play:
Roomie and I enter first bar. At rooftop level, I spot...
You Oughta Know
These days putting my Ipod on shuffle is equivalent to putting all of my worst memories in a room together and having them fight each other with knives.
I was on the train today and all my Ipod wanted to do was play Jawbreaker and Alanis Morissette; hello, Music To Commit Seppuku To. It brought me back to a time which I ought to be ashamed to speak of on this wildly popular blog, but, as Some...
What The F*ck Do Men Want? Part 2 (A Case Study on...
Hm. Maybe it’s not as simple as French vs American or American Apparel vs American Eagle. Maybe the REAL divisive element in American culture is… ECONOMICS (I knew there was a reason I took Micro twice).
See there’s this little thing called the Capitalist Free Market Economy (starring Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen), in which Harry Potter uses his invisibility cloaked hand to...
What The F*ck Do Men Want? Part 1 1/2 (And Other...
Now that I’ve set the stage for this discussion, let me divulge into the Realm of Soccer for a moment.
Every year, as I understand it, there is something called the World Cup. During this Cup, sweaty men in shorts run around on a grass field trying to kick things. But the women of the world know what this World Cup thingy is really about. Its about What Men Want (you know, like that movie...
What The F*ck Do Men Want? Part 1 (And Other...
As someone who spent roughly 91 percent of high school desperately trying to impress men (and who still spends probably 83 percent of waking hours doing this each day), I’d really like to know what the fuck men want.
Disclaimer: this portion contains melodrama.
In high school, every woman is taken into a tiny room and told that men like women who are the exact opposite of them. They then...